Monday, 28 June 2010

And the bonus ball is..!

I had a lovely weekend with my family and a beautiful time with the gorgeous Jemma on Sunday evening. We watched the ever brilliant 'Aliens in America'. It was also great to be proud of our nation's sporting legends. Well done to the England cricket team.

Sadly I cannot avoid talking about the Dirty Dozen (I include Peter Crouch cause he's shit). The most concerning thing about the England football teams abject capitulation to the Germans wasn't the scoreline, or even the performance. It was Mr. Watkins' prognostication the night before the match on his canal boat. He didn't only gleefully predict the correct winners and losers, but he also nailed the scoreline too. "4-1" he mockingly uttered into Mr. K's face.

I may yet join the hordes of people trying to get Mr. Watkins to fill in their lottery numbers.

Just before all you England fans start whipping our the Castlemaine and razor blades here is a reason to be cheerful and full of optimism:

Have you experienced an accident at Work or are worried that England will never have a football team that plays better then the 11 puke-filled yobs that turn up for your local every Sunday? Jack Wilshere - If Carlsberg did world class players..

Saturday, 19 June 2010

Comedy quote of the World Cup

Arsene Wenger: "I'm surprised the England fans boo'd...I thought they were asleep."

Friday, 18 June 2010


The mighty Algeria - hahahahahahaha!!!
England boo'd by their own fans. Don't think the French fans boo'd their country..

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

Too good too bad

In honour of Adrian Chiles being the only football pundit/commentator on ITV with an ounce of personality here is my 'too good too bad' for today.

Too Good I ran 4kilometres in 22 minutes. It felt both amazing and awful at the same time. My walk home was like crip Rio Ferdinand trying to prove his fitness to Fabio Capello.

Too Bad After yet another in a long line of dives from Christiano Ronaldo the ITV commentator: "That's the modern game for you." Right, so when its an Arsenal player its the prehistoric game?
*sound of a remote control bouncing off a TV screen with force followed by a stream of infective that could be described as colourful*

Sunday, 13 June 2010

England's chances stubbed out.

It is still likely England will qualify from their group, but the sorry excuse for "one of the best sides in world football" are yet again showing that no amount of sycophantic press drivel makes a mediocre team great.

Hwill Hwheaton says it best: "Considering that England was supposed to be the Death Star to USA's Alderaan, I'm damn happy with the draw."

In other news Jemma has the tiniest toe I've ever seen in my life. It's so small that its almost not there. If I was a mean and nasty person I'd put her in the circus. Actually, now that I think about it...

England's biggest fan of the U.S of A out

p.s. The last paragraph about the circus was just a joke. Yes, you can remove the chainsaw from my head now, thank-you.

Sunday, 6 June 2010

Something nice about Sky Sports - don't have a heart attack...

Sky Sports News presenter: "Brazil are aiming to win a record 6th World Cup. That's only 6 more than Scotland." Sadly followed shortly after by a clip of Christiana Ronaldo looking like he'd just come back from a holiday in Brighton.